Category Archives: Go to Hell?

Maury Davis Takes us to Hell

“We’re here for the hell house,” I say.  She looks like I just farted in her face.

“Judgment house,” she winces and holds her face into a permanent scrunch.

“Sorry, judgment house.”  Scrunchy face leads us into the sanctuary, the waiting room for Tusculum Hills Baptist Church’s Judgment House, an annual Halloween event and a walk-through simulation of hell on earth.

This is Phil’s and my first experience with hell, or rather the prelude to hell because it took these jokers an hour and a half before they told us they had no idea when we’d be able to go in “because I’ve got a few groups ahead of you,” she said and, “I don’t know when y’all’ll be able to go eeun, um, lemme check, are y’all walk eeuns?”

“Yes.  We’re walk-ins.”

“Oh well, groups take precedent…”

“I know, I’ve seen several people go in ahead of us (I must have been really anxious to see hell!) and we’ve been waiting for an hour.”

“Well,” scrunchy face continues, “there’s nothing I can really do.”  I wanna see hell, godammit!

I go back and sit next to Phil slouched in his seat.  More groups are trucking in and filing out almost as fast.  There’s a pew full of Hmong or Cambodian immigrants over there – they go in, there’s a group of trendy white kids over there – they go in, the women with bobbed hair go in and the Southern accents and the non-Southern accents go in.  Why do they get to go to hell and not me! Phillip and I stay put.  A young black kid virtually lays on the seat.  “Bored?” I ask.  “Uh huh,” he nods and I laugh.  “What’d the woman say?” Phil asks.

“She said she didn’t know when we’d get to go in.”  A mixed bag of Hispanics possibly filipinos (neighboring churches) gets led out of the santuary, and I’ve had it.  “Doesn’t look like we’re going to hell tonight.”

“Well that sucks.  The nerve of these people!”

“I know, these church groups have already come to Jesus; we’re the customers they need to take care of.”

“I know, right?  I’ve never had such crappy service.  I’m never going there again.”

“Who do they think they are?  They totally lost my business.  I’ll get Jesus somewhere else!”

“For real.”

Try #2

First of all, try #2 was successful (you can see it in the video above).  We got to see a hell house, or rather an “illustrated sermon” (preacher + live theater + pyrotechnics apparently = illustrated sermon) with a, um, very strong hell theme.  Rev. Maury Davis, whose organization Cornerstone Church did a MUCH better job of filing us into their marketing opportunity and getting our contact information (Phillip filled out a card, and maybe they’ll call us in a day or two.  Much better service!), scared the shit out of us AND offered a way to take the pain away – you got it – Jesus de Veracruz.

Coming to Jesus

It took me a while but I figured it out – Jesus takes the pain away.  While listening to this sermon I experimented a little bit with their ideas – take Jesus into your heart, give your life over to Christ – and I must say that the results were mostly positive.  A lot of you aren’t going to expect me to say this but when I “let Jesus into my heart” as instructed, I did feel better.  I felt like there was a glowing coming from the center of my solar plexus.  It felt extremely positive!

Then the bad parts…

Okayyyyyyyyyy, now the bad parts.  This will scare the shit out of you.  Yes, this happened in church.  Um, I don’t know how I feel about all this yet.  “Give your life over to Jesus,” may be true, but this, this…  I don’t know.  Make sure you’ve watched the video above before you keep reading.

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Maury Davis preaches on through the fire and brimstone.

Do you need to scare people into religion?  Why can’t you just focus on the good parts of Jesus?  “Because the people need the WHOLE truth!”  Really?  This is the truth?  I don’t know.  The same Jesus that infiltrated my heart that day would not set his children on fire and rip their flesh out.  What would be the point?  “Toooo proooove that the non-believers are wrong!”  Does God really need to do that?  Is God so insecure that he needs to torture his own children?  “God doesn’t do it; the Devil does!”  I don’t care who does it; it’s fucked up, and now I have more questions than answers.

Think about your own children.  If you don’t have children, think about your future children.  Imagine that they do something horrible, something really really bad.  Do you forgive them?  Most of you parents/future parents are saying, “No matter what my child does, I will forgive them; nothing they can do or not do will make me withhold my love for them!”  OK, forget them doing something bad.  Imagine that your child comes to you and says, “Mom, Dad, I want to be Buddhist, I want to be Muslim, I want to be atheist…”  Even if you didn’t agree with your son our daughter, even if you KNEW that they were wrong, would YOU set them on fire?

Would you take a knife and stick it into your baby son or daughter’s stomach?  No, no, don’t run away.  Think about it!  FEEEEL that knife in your hand turning in your child’s stomach.  Feel it!

Would you rip out their intestines?  Feel it!  Feel yourself twisting that knife!

Pour gasoline all over them?  Burn them!  Cut off their heads!  Take a rake and rake off their flesh!  Laugh at them!

“God’s not doing it; the Devil is!”  Okay, would you pay someone to do this to your child???

Would you, as a parent, even allow this to happen?

A preachers son discovers himself in hell.
A preacher's son discovers himself in hell.

Even if you were in heaven, would you not give anything, do ANYTHING! to get to them?  Help them?  Save them?  Would you look upon a God who had sent your son or daughter to this torment with loving eyes?  Would you not look upon Him and say, “What are you doing!  Please!  Please, stop!  Please don’t do this to my son!  Please send me instead!”

And you would love a God such as this forever?

I would never send my own child to hell for ANYTHING! he could ever do.  Would you?  Would you send your child to eternal torment?  Think about that for a moment:  Are you more compassionate, more loving than an ALL-LOVING BEING?

YOU, AS A PARENT! WHAT WOULD YOU DO????

Really imagine pouring the gasoline on your child’s body! lighting the match!  Could you do it???? – for not believing something?

Sorry to hit you over the head with this, but these are some questions I need answered.  “But Ryan, we cannot understand God’s way.”  Maybe not, but I know how imperfect I am, and I would not strike that match.  Would you?

Some religions interpret the clause mentioning “eternal damnation” as eternal death – that, yes, God casts you into the lake of fire, but that’s it.  You are dead.  God gets rid of your sinnin’ ass and adios.  No eternal torment.  Damnation = death.  You’re gone.  You’re otta here, sayonara.  I can believe in a God that does that.  I can believe in a dog who’s gone rabid and is a danger to himself and others, whose owner decides the best thing for all would be to put the poor animal to death.  But think of what we would do in our society to the owner who tortures his or her animal with the excuse, “He was just too bad.  I needed to teach that dog the error of his ways.  I needed to poke him with sticks and shock him with a taser, then I cut off his limbs and soldered them so I could keep goin’,”  Getting sick?  You should be. If you’re an advocate for hell and eternal damnation, that’s exactly what you believe in.

11 Visions, What Happened to the Happy, Fun Times?

I know we’re bastions for fun and happiness and adventure; but, this, ladies and gentlemen, is an adventure too.  It is an actual walk into hell.  Perhaps the realest exploration of hell that anyone has ever embarked upon.  There’s a scene in The Da Vinci Code where Sophie asks Langdon why these people are trying to kill them.  Langon explains that it doesn’t matter if this stuff is real or not – they’ve entered a world of people who BELIEVE it’s real.

Whether or not hell is real matters not.  Many people believe it is; and that, therefore, is a world we must explore.

We’re not backing down.  We will explore.  This may be 11 Visions’ weirdest journey yet.

Even MORE Fun than a Book Burning!

Ummmmm, there might be a better way to bring people to Jesus.
Ummmmm, there might be a better way to bring people to Jesus.

That picture is disturbing, I know.  Rest assured, however, that a religious group is responsible for it, not us.  This post highlights an important discussion we need to have, so please read it.  This post is short and to the point, and I’m especially anxious to hear what our religious fans feel about the issue of scaring people into religion.

Remember Phillip and I were going to go the down-home, bring-your-kids-and-grandparents, family Bible Book Burning?

It’s not happening.

Why?

No fault of our own.  Unfortunately Pastor Psycho McPsychopants (a.k.a. Marc Grizzard) closed the event to the public.  Don’t ask me why.  If you’re going to burn Bibles you, um, just MAY BEEEEE a few cubits short of a full ark; but, the North Carolina Fire Marshall pointed out that book burning was illegal in the state of NC.  (Go NC!!)  So my contention is that Pastor Marc Have-you-ever-eaten-a-turkey’s Grizzard does not want to be arrested.

So what do we do now to start getting footage for our Go to Hell? movie?

Well, shoot and a half! we’re going to HELL!!!

C’mon now, don’ pull my leg!

We’re not.  We are going to a Nashville Hell House!!!

C’mon now, what the hell is a Hell House???

That’s what I asked Phillip when he proposed we go to a hell house instead of an equally wholesome and inspiring Bible burning.  Richard Dawkins (oh the howls I’m going to get from our believer fans for putting Dawkins on the site; howl one more time, good job, you sound just like a coyote!) interviews a pastor who puts on a yearly hell house on Halloween.  Both voice their concerns in the video (so no howls!), and it’s worth a look.

What I find funny is that a. the guy playing the devil really does look like the devil and b. the guy playing the devil REALLY enjoys playing the devil… lol.  “Pastor, will I be asked back for next year?  I really like delving into this character!”  LOL.

Frankly, y’all, I’m disturbed by the idea of a hell house.  Scaring people into religion is bullshit.  (Please comment if you disagree!)  I learned a lot from my stay with the Adventists in La Crosse.  Even they, who believe in heaven and hell, told me that negative coercion is not God’s way.

Sin destroys and Jesus saves… maybe.  There is some truth to the positive energy represented by the intentions and actions of the man known as Jesus Christ being a “saving” force.  And there is equal truth to the hell-like energy of “sin” being a destructive force.

But let me ask you a question:  Is it a sin to put young kids through this?  Would you let your kids see this kind of stuff?  I sure as heaven wouldn’t.  
Hell House

Ghost Robot | MySpace Video

Look at those kids’ faces.  That, my friends, is a sin in my book.  I don’t think you have to scare people into religion.  If you think you do, please comment below:  I’d love to hear your POV.  And we’ll let you know how the hell house goes, and yes! there will be a travel piece about it and yes! there will be much discussion to be had.  And, of course, the invitation to my own hell house is always open:  You know, the one where you are locked in a round, padded room with Barry Mantilow’s “Mandy” on continuous play.

Phillip and I Will Burn Bibles

Achtung!  Phillip and I are sick and tired of the false versions of the Holy Bible being read by church-goers everywhere.  We are likewise tired of reading the works of such heretics as the Pope, Billy Graham and Mother Teresa.  Satanic-message-spewing servants of Beelzebub like the the Mother of Calcutta, who said she wished to care for “the hungry, the naked, the homeless, the crippled, the blind, the lepers, all those people who feel unwanted, unloved,” (I know, right?  Give me a break!) need to have their collective works burned in a fiery bonfire and fast!

Off my rocker, you say?  Take this cup bearer for the feast of Satan Billy Graham.  I mean this guy has written, “Courage is contagious.  When a brave man takes a stand, the spines of others are stiffened.”  Ha!  Trying to get me more courageous, are you?  Well, how’s this for courage:  I’m heading to North Carolina to burn your and all you other heretics’ bibles, religious works, spiritual works, passionate bids for Love in the world and entreaties for Peace in a good, old-fashioned Halloween Book Burning where there will be barbeque, fried chicken, and I heard Sister Margaret is bringing her potato salad!  My, she’s been looking well after the divorce.  Maybe her and Billy Bob are better off separated.  Too bad she’s going to hell for breaking the covenant of marriage, but damned if that potato salad won’t be good!

I’ve had it with the perversions of God’s word!  And so has this guy:  Pastor Marc Grizzard of the Amazing Grace Baptist Church is up to here with false versions of the Bible like the New International Version, Contemporary English Version, The Evidence, The Message, The Green.  And goddammit I’m tired of it too!

The King James Version is the only TRUE! Bible.  Everyone knows that God’s infallible word was translated from Hebrew to Greek to German to English in the 16th century (and if you’ve ever read Shakespeare you know certain subtleties are lost on modern English, but that’s not the point!).  God ran those crazy Hebrew characters (vowels, people?  Hello!!!!!) through the linguistic wringer over thousands of years for a reason!  So His, um, Her? word would be loud and clear for you and me.

Thank God Pastor Grizzard is burning these heretic bibles on Halloween.  And thank God Phillip and I are going there to cover it just so we can entertain you (um, save your souls) with the story.  I’m hoping personally to get my hands on the original Dead Sea Scrolls (a perversion of the King James translation) so we can light those babies up like a Christmas tree.

Ryan, you can stop now.  We get it.

Sorry, I was channeling Johnathan Swift there for a moment.  Don’t worry:  I won’t suggest we eat infants for protein, but if we could get those death panels up and running that’d be sweet… thaaaanks.

I’ve been trying to rack my brain trying to figure out why Mr. Grizzard wants these crazy bibles burned.  (His website amazinggracebaptistchurchkjv.com is temporarily down – tons of traffic – but you can find the invitation he sent out here.  Read the comments section too where one commenter points out that Pastor Grizzard is surely a heretic himself because everyone knows that TRUE BARBEQUE! comes only from pulled pork shoulder… lol.)  I told my friend who’s semi-religious about this guy and she shuddered, “I, um, yeah, I read just my Student Bible, but that’s… oh my god… buring a Bi-ble?”  While he’s not burning a pile of defenseless puppies, there is a certain sickening feeling one gets contemplating the notion, even if they were written by Satan.  Shouldn’t Satan get a word processor?  Who’s his publisher?  Frikkin’ Simon and Schuster probably.  They’re the ones who published my 4th grade Geography book.  If there ever was a book written by Satan…

Honestly, I don’t know why he’s burning the Bibles.  Yes, I understand his logic.  Read his letter and it basically says any translation not based on the Textus Receptus is of the DEEEVIL!  Why the hell didn’t the Devil just release The Holy Bible, New International Satanic Version!  I think that would clear up a lot of confusion.

But, I mean, c’mon, seriously.  This guy is a little wacko, AAAAAAND he’s perfect for our new film: Go to Hell? Go to Hell? explores the concepts of heaven and hell in the world today.  It is a hands-on adventure just like our other adventures.  We will go and physically talk to all these heretics, holy ones, crazy ones, and ones ones in order to answer the question:  Will I go to hell?  That’s the basic premise:  Is hell real and will I go there?  And we’ll need some information fast, because I’m looking around and noticing that the physical body doesn’t seem to last too long on this earthly plane.  Did I just feel an earthquake?

We believe Marc Grizzard might have some answers for us.  If not, we’ll at least get some of the participants of this down-home family book burning to talk about heaven and hell and what I will need to do to get to/avoid either place.  I think a smoky bonfire fueled by those pesky faux translations will make great B-roll footage even if Phil and I just make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in front of it.

To answer your question:  YES!  We will be bringing sticks and marshmallows.  Oh, and the Amazing Grace Baptist True One-and-Only Holy Baptist (sigh) Church, is going to be burning country music too!!  Mary Chapin Carpenter CD, you’re on my list!

Let’s get some comments going guys!  Question:

Will I go to hell?

Will you go to hell?

What do we need to do to avoid it?

Is it real?

Is it a state of mind / physical place?

Comment, comment, please discuss!

For an excellent debate held on ABC’s Nightline titled Does Satan Exist? click here.  I’ve got the first video in the series below.  I like how the Prostitute Preacher still looks kinda like a prostitute… you go, hunny!  Also you’ll be treated to an uncharacteristically angry Depak Chopra – fun!  And finally, I must say that of that whole panel, I have the most respect for Bishop Carlton Pearson.  He literally stood up to his entire congregation to say that hell does not exist and that their poor family members who had sinned here and there were not burning in the fiery flames.  I mean, for a man to take a stand like that…  That, my friends; that, Billy Graham, is courage.  I looked around, MSNBC did the best coverage of the story:  click here.  

Thanks, and anyone who knows how I can get an interview with Bishop Pearson, let me know.  And also if you’ve got any good preachers/priests/imams/rabbis/Jedis/ministers of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster we can talk to, let me know.

Thank you and for real, GOD BLESS YOU and EVERYONE ELSE!

Ryan


So What Now?

There is no more paddling to do and things are quieter.  Weird.  There are no more beans to make on the riverbank, no more news crews to notify, no more fights to be had over continuing down the curve or cutting to the next bank, no more clacking of paddles, no more singing of dirty songs whether Phillip likes them or not, no more dirty water and “oh my god there’s only three inches of visibility today, theres snakes in the brush, there’s a barge coming; paddle light so you don’t splash my camera, pass me the camera for a sunset shot, I’m tired of you, thank god for you, I don’t want this to be over, I want this to be over.”  No more.

Now is a small town called Empire, Louisiana.  Now is the fortunate running into a man, an ultra right-wing Republican (I attract them like flies) telling me he doesn’t want to pay for my health care, but I can stay in his house; he doesn’t want Socialism, but is glad to help us because “shoot, guys, you do a trip like that, I gotta give you credit cuz, shoot, I could never do something like that, and y’all can stay in my cabin, Number 33, cuz it’s unoccupied now, and, hell, we’ll even drive you to New Orleans if you want because, shoot, that’s what you deserve… but don’t expect no handouts.”

That’s our reality now that the Mississippi River is done.

Now will be film festivals (we’re on our way to Oak Ridge on Wednesday for the Secret City Film Festival for a big-screen showing of The Hitchhiking Movie), now will be editing, fighting over which scene goes where and why, figuring out where we will live in Nashville, how I will earn money, how I will appease my adventure addiction while living in the “real world,” how we will continue to write interesting blog posts about the Go to Hell movie, our next film, which Phil will be telling you about in the next few days, how we will do… everything… and I stop.

It will be no different than the Mississippi, I think to myself.  The title of our film will be The River is Life, and this is Life.  Editing will be life.  Going and talking to fire-and-brimstone preachers will be life.  I also want to do a train-hopping adventure I want to write about; people will want to know about that; there’s tons of new material to come; tons of things to do with the website; people will want to know what we’re doing (as long as we’re doing something interesting) and I can do that – I can do interesting things… and I can share them with our fans… I can relax.  Things will be okay.  What’s next won’t be barges, or cookouts, or staying in strangers’ homes (actually, that’s the one thing I hope never goes away) or lifting 300 pounds of gear into trucks, out of trucks, down levees and up embankments – rocky, smooth, muddy, clay-y or otherwise.  But in a way, that’s exactly what will continue.

Life will continue; life does not stop at the Gulf of Mexico.  It can’t, and Eleven Visions won’t.  The River will still be there; making movies, entertaining the hell out of people is our thing, and we have blog posts to share about that.  The River… has not finished; it has just become… a much larger body of water.

So What Now?

Good question.  I think… this is my calling.  I think I am supposed to be an explorer and commenter of life.  I think travel writing is my calling; I think people enjoy it – our interactions with people, emotions, things, objects… Life again.  I think my partnership with Phil – making movies – is my calling; so, we will blog about that.  I think Eleven Visions is a celebration of exploration; and people will want to know how we’re exploring next.  None of it… will stop.

Some things to expect are the following:

  1. We’re making a film called Go to Hell that hopes to answer the question “How exactly does one keep from going to hell?”  Our biggest adventure yet!  Whereas our old adventures were about going to a place, this will be about how NOT to get to a place.  How do I, Ryan Jeanes, keep from going to hell?  Who’s right?  The Adventists?  Mormons?  Presbyterians, Russians, Socialists?  That’s a good question, and EVERYONE has an answer… and damned if they’re the same answer!
  2. More travel writing – I’m going on a train-hopping excursion that I will be more than happy to write about, share videos about, show pictures about.
  3. More tales from the insides of the editing process – You’ll see footage we’ve decided to keep in the River is Life movie, footage we’ve decided to keep out; if you stick with us, you’ll get a sneak peek, you’ll be along for the ride; the tide does not stop where the Gulf of Mexico begins; this, my friends, is only the beginning.  Eleven Visions is your home if you choose to stay, and we’d love to have you.  Do you take coffee in the morning?

In short, what now is more adventure in this beautiful world, more dialogue about life and what it means, more entertainment from Eleven Visions coming your way in the form of videos, audios, photos and writing.  We have more, much more, to share with you.  Come with us… deeper.

In a few days, Phil will give you the lowdown on our upcoming projects.  I will finish off the travel writing aspects of the Mississippi River journey.  Remember, we left off in Baton Rouge.  Um, yeah! a whole bunch of stuff happened between here and there.  Wanna know about it?  K, working on it.  It’s comin’ your way.

We want you to stick with us.  Eleven Visions does not die with the Mississippi.  It flows on into the Gulf of Life.  There is more, a whole ocean to explore; and, train-hopping, giving you a sneak peek into our latest footage on both The River is Life and Go to Hell movies, and more philosophical connections with you, dear reader, on the dimensions which make up this life… are just the beginning.  A new beginning… for all of us.

We’re glad you’re here.  Wait for Phil’s post on the Go to Hell movie.  Wait for my “just what the hell am I going to do with the English Channel?” post.  Wait for our New Orleans posts, paddle-to-the-Gulf posts, celebration posts.  Wait and listen.  Eleven Visions has more visions in store.

So don’t blink.  🙂

Ryan